Prowler Flu

"Is that a Dodge Prowler?"

Loaded the Prowler up with 140 pounds. Tried to get John the Mailman to push the Prowler with me but he thought I was talking about a car and declined so I was on my own. Did what is referred to as "The Hell that is New Jersey-Prowler Challenge"; six trips of 30 yards, sprinting and alternating between the high and low handles. One minute rest periods between trips. I didn't feel to winded afterwards. My legs felt a little heavy but that was it.

"I think I am going to die..."

I went to bed that night and woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I stretched before I got out of bed and my left leg cramped up; from the knee up to the hip! The whole thing was agonizingly solid and contracted so hard that my leg was bent and I couldn't straighten it. Then, the adductors on my right leg cramped and that's when I thought I might not make it...to the bathroom. 'Cause I still had to go and couldn't move my legs to get out of bed! I don't know how I did it but I did get out of bed to take care of bidniz. My legs felt like they were spasming and I had tears running down my cheeks. This must be what childbirth feels like. Somehow I got the idea that maybe I needed a banana (low potassium=cramping). I don't know why I thought that. I was a desperate man. Actually I was crying more like a baby. I fell/ half stiff legged walked down the stairs to the kitchen. I wolfed down a banana and drank a big glass of water and dragged myself back upstairs to bed; into which I collapsed and eventually fell asleep.

In the morning I woke up and thought, "WTF happened?!?" My legs were sore and still felt tight. I had drank over two gallons of water yesterday so I was at a loss to explain what had happened. Could I be that far out of shape? I have been walking daily for about 45 minutes. It's not the same granted but its not like I sit on my a$%. So I was relaying my tale of woe to Matt and Epstein and Matt concluded, "sounds like a case of the Prowler Flu." The answer had been right in front of my face all along. I had underestimated the power of the Prowler and suffered an attack of Prowler Flu! For which the only known cure is, yup, you guessed it, make friends with the Prowler, then rip its heart out.

Prowler Flu. Barf,
Ed T.